


i want to renew you again and again

by musicspeakstoo



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Fluff, Food as a Metaphor for Love, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:55:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25963222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicspeakstoo/pseuds/musicspeakstoo
Summary: Nicky and all the ways he takes care of Joe (and the others) throughout the years.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 29
Kudos: 407





	i want to renew you again and again

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into the fandom, I've fallen in love with these two old romantic and their chosen family. The fic is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Edit: thank you to Julietusedthegun for fixing my Italian!
> 
> Huge thank you to Len for all of her meta about Joe's background. It's good to be in the same fandom as you again!

_All I really, really want our love to do_  
_is to bring out the best in me and in you_  
_I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you_  
_I want to renew you again and again_

____

-Joni Mitchell _All I Want_

____

~~~

____

It starts because Nicolò can’t speak Arabic. Well, actually, it starts because Nicolò wants some way to repay the kindness that Yusuf has shown to him in the past ten years since they decided to stop killing each other and start fighting together. 

____

First, he had presented Yusuf with trophies he had taken off of men he killed who’d threatened Yusuf, but that seemed to have almost the opposite effect. They have limited funds, so Nicolò cannot buy him things like new supplies for his drawings, though he does whenever they have money to spare. Yusuf has become his closest friend, none of the other orphans or people at the monastery he’d known had gotten to know him the way Yusuf knows him and vice versa. 

____

He does not yet know why it’s so important to him that Yusuf knows how much Nicolò values him, but it is, and so Nicolò is determined to make it clear. Nicolò cannot thank him for his patience and his companionship in words, nor have his previous attempts to give Yusuf material things adequately conveyed the depth of Nicolò’s gratitude, so he will do it with food. 

____

Through careful observation, he has noticed that Yusuf’s favorite food seems to be a flatbread that reminds Nicolò a little of farinata di ceci. It’s something eaten for breakfast in Tyre, so Nicolò has to sneak out of their sleeping place early to watch and learn how to make it.

____

He starts by watching women in the neighboring house at their tannūr, making the bread. Nicolò had made bread while he was studying at the monastery, so he knows the basics, but he carefully observes how long they leave it to rise and how long they bake it. He notes how they knead and shape the dough, envisioning it beneath his own hands. Then he notes what spices they use, what they look like, and how much they use. 

____

After a few days of this, one of the women spots him at the window. Tyre is a city of culture and trade, the house they are staying in belongs to a merchant Yusuf knows. Nicolò is not the only Christian here, and since there is nothing about him that directly identifies him as part of Godfrey’s army, they do not fear him.

____

(He still feels ashamed.)

____

The woman, Maryam, is not afraid of him. Her husband is a merchant, so she also speaks Sabir. He’s not sure what Yusuf told them about why they are together, but whatever the reason may be, it is enough for her to offer to teach him how to make the dish. Maryam brings him inside and presumably explains the situation to the other women in Arabic because they nod and make room for Nicolò.

____

They have him make it several times before they deem it acceptable for consumption. It’s a humbling experience. Maryam tells him what else he is supposed to serve with the dish, which requires additional attempts at making something edible. Once he has passed muster, he sneaks out of their shared room one morning to prepare breakfast.

____

When Yusuf enters the room after finishing his morning prayers, Nicolò has the whole meal set out. He explains to Yusuf that he has learned to make these things for him as a gesture of friendship. Yusuf is perplexed but happily sits down to eat his meal.

____

(Yusuf will have hundreds of years to learn all of the ways in which Nicolò speaks, and Nicolò will have hundreds of years to learn all of the ways Yusuf does.)

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

Of all the variations upon his name Nicky’s had over the years, he likes Nikolai the best. Joe’s voice breaks around the vowels the same way when Nicky takes him apart with his fingers and mouth as it does around his real name. Though he does appreciate the way Joe elongates the end vowels in Nicky or Nico when he tries to get fucked the way he wants and the way Nicky is currently not.

____

Right now, Joe’s alternating between nicknames, which means he’s close to incoherent. It’s risky for them to be fucking right now, but that has been true for most of their relationship, it has not stopped them before. They’ve been separated for days, Nicky having somehow ended up as a medic for the unit and Joe being picked by Andy for some mission. There was a close call, Joe was shot, and Andy had to resort to some creative measures in order to make it look less lethal than it was.

____

They’re holed up in Lvov; their unit has just finished chasing the Germans out. When Joe gets back, Nicky barely waits for a dismissal before dragging Joe into the house Andy has claimed for them.

____

Nicky wastes no time getting them naked and on the bed. The bed squeaks every time they move, but it’s just them in the house, Nicky isn’t too concerned about being quiet. In between getting them naked and now, Nicky has reversed his game plan. He will take his time with Joe. 

____

Nicky places lingering kisses down Joe’s chest, avoiding his cock. Joe starts out fine with this; once he realizes Nicky means to take things slowly, he starts swearing at Nicky. Nicky sucked bruises on the inside of Joe’s thighs and ignored him. Nevermind that they will fade quickly because they will still have been put there by Nicky. 

____

“Nikolai, get on with it,” Joe complains. “We don’t know how much time we will have.”

____

Nicky shushes him by shoving Joe’s knees up to his chest and placing a sucking kiss to Joe’s hole. Joe slams his head back into the pillow and swears. Nicky eats Joe out until he can tell that Joe is totally present, not concerned about anything but getting Nicky to fuck him.

____

Nicky slicks himself up, but pushes into Joe slowly, eliciting more cursing. He keeps up the slow pace, pulling out almost completely and then thrusting in deeply. Joe has one leg wrapped around Nicky’s hips, and the other is bent with his foot on the bed. He’s using both to try and get Nicky to move faster.

____

“Please, please, Nico, Nicky, Nicolò, please go faster,” Joe begs.

____

“Cuore mio,” Nicky croons, “you sound so good begging for me.”

____

Joe lets out a whine; his fingers are white where they grip Nicky’s forearm. Nicky can’t resist that, so he speeds up, wrapping his hand around Joe’s cock at the same time.

____

Joe shouts, which makes Nicky grin in response, kissing him fiercely. Joe can barely kiss back, just pants into Nicky’s mouth. Nicky’s fucking him in earnest, the slap of their hips competing with the creaking of the bed for the loudest sound in the room.

____

Nicky gives a vicious twist to the head of Joe’s cock; Joe throws his head back as he comes. Nicky slows his hips down and sucks on Joe’s neck. Joe taps his hip when he’s recovered enough, and Nicky fucks into Joe for a few more minutes as Joe murmurs encouragement into his ear before coming.

____

He manages to avoid collapsing onto Joe, but Joe pulls him in close anyway. They stay there, trading soft kisses and sweet caresses until Andy comes stomping back and yells that she has food.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

Nicky can recite many famous poems and has befriended many of the great artists throughout history. As a child, he applied himself to his studies of the trivium and the quadrivium for which he received high praise from the priests. He discreetly maintains a JSTOR account and subscribes to academic journals from a range of fields, not to mention that he can argue philosophy with the best of them.

____

He’s also an avid watcher of telenovelas. He thoroughly enjoys cheap smut novels and books that some would derisively call “chick lit.” Every year he looks forward to the Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel.

____

“What I am trying to say,” he explains to Nile as he finishes arranging a tray of snacks, “is that just because you will live for centuries does not mean you turn into a pretentious fucking snob.”

____

“Here, here!” Joe says, barely taking his eyes off the football game on TV. 

____

“These two are just like that, personality-wise,” Andy snarks as Nile snickers.

____

“Fine, then, no snacks for you,” he replies as he passes the tray to Nile.

____

She takes it with a smug look to Andy and walks over to the couch, setting it down as she sits and immediately starts asking questions. Joe picks up something from the tray and answers.

____

Nicky watches them with a fond smile. 

____

“I know what you’re doing,” Andy says. There’s softness in her tone if you know her well enough to listen for it.

____

Football used to be Joe and Booker’s thing.

____

“So?” he arches an eyebrow at her.

____

Andy shakes her head at him. Nicky doesn’t want it to be something Joe feels is tainted, that’s all. She gets up to join the other two on the couch as he cleans up and contemplates what to make for dinner. It’s getting colder; maybe he’ll make a stew with some bread. He won’t have time to make his own, but there was a lovely bakery not too far from the house that he saw the other day.

____

In the living room, Joe stands up and starts insulting the opposing midfielder as well as the referee in Tamazight as Nile makes a wordless sound of frustration. Underneath their louder noises, Andy says something derisive in Greek. Nicky sings part of a pop song under his breath as he goes to start on dinner. 

____

Later, Joe wraps himself around Nicky and kisses him on the cheek.

____

“Thank you for dinner, hayati, and for the snacks this afternoon,” Joe says.

____

Nicky hums, “Did you have fun teaching Nile about football?”

____

Joe pulls back a little to look at him, then laughs at Nicky’s innocent expression. 

____

“Oh, my heart, what did I do to deserve you taking such good care of me?”

____

Nicky shrugs and says what he always does whenever Joe asks such a ridiculous question, “You are you.” 

____

Joe turns Nicky around in his arms and kisses him forcefully. 

____

“Perhaps it’s time I showed my gratitude,” Joe says and then drags Nicky off to the bedroom.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

“We were never a family before,” Quynh tells him once.

____

“What do you mean?” Nicky had asked. He knows Andy and Quynh have been in love for a long time.

____

“Andy, Lykon, and I,” she’d clarified. “We were comrades-in-arms, and possibly even friends, but we were not family.”

____

Nicky can’t imagine being with people that long and not becoming like family. He tells her this, and she smiles at him.

____

“I know,” she’d replied.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

They’re in Philadelphia researching a group stealing supplies from local clinics, then burning them down. Booker has been assigned the task of making nice with the local authorities, playing an undercover cop to try and figure out who in their theft ring is paying them off. Andy and Joe are tracking down possible locations of where the supplies are.

____

In similar operations, he would be at the station separately from Booker, possibly pretending to be a journalist, finding out things Booker can’t while also watching Booker’s back. Unfortunately, he and Booker are banned from spending time together unsupervised after a series of bar fights in Boston about a month ago.

____

Nicky maintains that they were merely defending themselves each time, but Joe and Andy didn’t buy it, so instead, he’s been at the local library doing research. There’s a private company that owns the nearest hospital; it’s possible someone wanted to ensure their hospital was the only option around. He’s exhausted from headaches brought on by the microfilm that quickly heal only to crop up again.

____

When he gets back to the townhouse they’re renting, it’s late afternoon, and the sky is a dull gray. Joe is lying on the couch in the living room, Nicky having interrupted his nap. Andy’s curled up in the armchair that’s been repositioned to have the best sightlines of the room while he can hear Booker banging about in the kitchen through the walls. 

____

He kisses Joe hello as Andy tells him, “it’s supposed to pour in a couple of hours, and I think we each have a few solid leads.”

____

“We’re debriefing over dinner and not a minute earlier,” Booker yells.

____

They all laugh as Andy rolls her eyes. 

____

“Don’t move, tesoro, I’ll be right back,” he tells Joe.

____

“Whatever you say, ya amar,” Joe murmurs sleepily.

____

Nicky goes upstairs and into his and Joe’s room to change into more comfortable clothing, then snags a book off of the nightstand before walking back to join the others in the living room. He sits down on the couch, lifting Joe’s head to place it in his lap as he does so. 

____

He opens the book in his left hand, while he runs the fingers of his right hand through Joe’s hair. Joe melts into his touch, humming contentedly. Nicky clears his throat and begins to read: 

____

“When you get home you will take your revenge on these suitors; and after you have killed them by force or fraud in your own house, you must take a well-made oar and carry it on and on, till you come to a country where the people have never heard of the sea and do not even mix salt with their food…”

____

Andy relaxes her whole body into the chair as the smell of dinner starts to waft in from the kitchen.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

Nicky likes being a sniper; it allows him to keep his eye on everyone and to see the whole field. Andy always claimed it was why he could beat Booker at chess and why he had the most patience for board games.

____

He honestly doesn’t mind sitting still for hours at a time, doing nothing but staring down the scope of his rifle. The others tend to occupy themselves somehow: Joe usually has paper and something to draw with on him. Andy sharpens her weapons and is always on alert. Booker does tricks, rolls a coin across his knuckles, and vanishes it only to repeat it again and again. Nile likes to ask questions, trade stories. Who knows if that’s something she will keep as she settles into her immortality.

____

Quynh could be still like Nicky; they used to spend hours in companionable silence. She was the one to teach him how to properly wield a bow and arrow, not long after they all met.

____

The job goes off without a hitch, Nicky providing cover fire long enough for everyone to get out safely. Joe’s hand signals come in at the same time as Nile’s voice crackles in the earbud that Copley had made for each of them. Nicky makes sure he hasn’t missed any shell casings, then carefully packs up his rifle and prepares to meet up with the rest of them at the rendezvous point. 

____

(Once, a fellow sniper asks if he’s named his rifle, as so many of them do. 

____

“Quynh,” he’d replied.)

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

At one point, Nicky learns to knit. He can’t quite remember what prompted this decision or when precisely in time he picked up the skill, but he’s been doing it for centuries.

____

Joe proudly wears his lumpy hats, the scarves with holes so big you can fit your fingers through. It embarrasses Nicky that a man used to such fine craftsmanship would lower himself by wearing them, but he supposes they both do stupid things for love. 

____

The others tease him about the habit, but Andy gets thick socks in a slate gray, and Booker wears the scarves Nicky makes him whenever they’re somewhere cold.

____

Joe comes to him upset every time one of Nicky’s knitted creations gets destroyed, but Nicky sees it as an opportunity to improve. He knits Joe a sweater in a green that brings out his eyes and then makes sure to always have at least one skein of yarn in that color on hand. 

____

The love bites he leaves on Joe’s neck may fade before they leave the bedroom, but Nicky’s scarf is there. Joe warms his hands with the gloves Nicky made for him. That satisfies the possessive part of Nicky, the part that wants everyone to know that Joe is _his_ and that he is well taken care of.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

It was _Nicky_ who had said they should exile Booker and it was _Nicky_ who had let the others squabble about time until he’d leaned forward and said, “one hundred years.” Joe and Andy had stopped mid-argument, then nodded, hushing Nile when she protested.

____

The whole time they argued, he kept hearing Booker lament about how he had been alone for so long, that they didn’t understand. In his mind’s eye, he remembered every time they had all been joking around, and Booker had suddenly gone silent as if he could not allow himself joy.

____

(Nicky had parents, once. Siblings too. He lost the latter to accidents, the former to disease. After that, he had the other orphans and the priests in the monastery, but mostly he had God with whom he could only have one-sided conversations.)

____

_Let him know what it truly means to be alone_ Nicky thinks viciously. 

____

They’ll probably relent before the full time is up, for no other reason than Andy deserves a chance to say goodbye. And it will not do Booker any favors in the future if he does not get to bury her. Until then, Booker will have to live with the full weight of what his actions have wrought. Nicky’s relationship with God may be turbulent, but he still firmly believes in penance. 

____

After they leave Booker, Joe falls behind Andy while Nile moves up to walk beside her. He takes Joe’s hand and thinks about their upcoming meeting with Copley, wondering if he could get away with stealing Joe away for some private time before their next job. The two of them could use some sun.

____

He doesn’t listen to Nile, thinking her voice is lower than it is, questioning why they all went along with Nicky without argument. He pretends not to hear Andy’s response that he doesn’t make decisions for the group all that often, so when he does, they all listen. Joe squeezes his hand. Nicky smiles at him and shakes his head. Joe always wishes Nicky would speak up more but Nicky’s content to let others make the decisions and simply offer his opinions.

____

He’s always been most comfortable in the support positions.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
_  
_  
_

The first moment they’re alone after Merrick, Nicky makes love to Joe, rough and fast. Booker has vanished to some distant part of the safe house. Andy swept Nile off for a grocery and food run that will take a while. Not that Nicky is in any state of mind to give a shit if the whole neighborhood hears them.

____

Joe pants and whines, Nicky plastered to his back with one arm across his chest and the other holding his hips to Nicky’s.

____

“It’s okay,” he tells Joe, “it’s okay. We’re still here.”

____

Joe moans and comes without Nicky having to touch him. Nicky’s orgasm follows Joe’s, and then they collapse onto the bed.

____

Nicky holds Joe close as he shakes and cries, then leads him to the bathroom when he stops. In the shower, he lets Joe press soft kisses into Nicky’s skin as he washes Joe’s hair.

____

__

____

~~~

____

_  
___  
  
  


They’re in Prague, and Andy and Joe have had a fight.

____

This trip was supposed to be downtime, a chance for Nile to know that their lives aren’t just about violence. It was a surprise, then, when Andy announced that they had a job lined up. Joe had been angry, but then Joe had been angry at Andy for some time. Usually, whenever they fight, it’s a knock-down, drag-out that’s over the same day it starts. For whatever reason, they have not fought, though it was clear after Booker they have needed to; Andy’s announcement was simply the last straw. 

____

Nicky had dragged Nile out into the Old Town for some people watching to give the two of them time to fight it out. He had hoped it would be enough, but when they returned, the air was still tense. They both need space to cool off, so Joe had woken Nile up early the next morning to go to the Central Gallery and then to the astronomical clock, followed by some other art museum Nicky can’t remember. 

____

It’s kind of a relief to be with a pissed off Andy.

____

“I love him more than life,” Nicky says as they wait on the corner for the light to change, “but I’m glad he now has Nile around for art things so that way he has someone to talk to about it who is not us.”

____

Andy makes a face, either at the prospect of having to listen to another one of Joe’s art lectures, the specter of Booker hanging over the conversation, Joe himself, or Nicky’s trdelník. She refuses to eat it on the principle that it’s tacky tourist food, Nicky eats it _because_ it’s tacky tourist food. 

____

They’re in New Town, meeting the client, someone who was a friend and former mentor to Copley’s wife. Nicky rarely meets the clients face-to-face, but she’s an old Italian woman, and old Italian ladies love Nicky.

____

It amuses the hell out of everyone else.

____

He plays his part at the meeting as a polite and reassuring presence against Andy’s no-nonsense aloofness. It’s sort of like being a priest again. Andy makes a face at him when she catches Nicky making sure she’s eaten, but he’s been doing so long before she lost her immortality.

____

Afterward, they make their way back to their apartment in silence. Nicky heads to the kitchen to start on dinner, and to his surprise, Andy offers to help. He sets her to chopping the onions and garlic as he makes sure the meat has defrosted. 

____

There’s an English rock station on the radio that he and Andy sing along with. Music gets blurred after a few thousand years, but the newer stuff is easier to recall. Someday when she needs it, he’ll tell Nile about Andy’s hair metal phase.

____

Nicky’s keeping an eye on the stuff in the pan and Andy is washing the dirty dishes in the sink, trading memories of past meals not gone as smoothly. They’re almost doubled over laughing reminiscing about the time with the wolf and Joe in the forests of Germany. Andy is not as free with her affection as she used to be, but Nicky has always been good at drawing it out of her.

____

Nicky sings along loudly to the saxophone part of the song, poking Andy in the side as he does so.

____

“Kolya, Kolya stop,” she says, laughing.

____

She indulges him more than she does the others, not even Booker, who was her partner in grief. Quynh brought out different parts of Andy; she tended to make her less stoic. She and Joe trade fond barbs and battle plans; he is her right-hand man. Andy reserves her softness for Nicky. He has always been her little brother.

____

Nile texts that they’re returning soon and Andy announces that she’s going upstairs to shower. Nicky frowns at her, but she just shakes her head. She ruffles his hair as she leaves, though, which makes Nicky smile.

____

Later, after a stilted dinner in which Nile and Nicky did most of the talking, Andy disappears, and Nile goes to take a bath. The radio is still playing as Nicky turns Joe around the kitchen in slow, small circles. He has done this in many rooms to many different types of music for centuries, but Nicky is very grateful for the invention of jazz, which makes for wonderful slow dancing.

____

Joe’s temple presses against his so Nicky can feel as well as hear his sigh. 

____

“I just don’t know how Andy and I are going to resolve this,” Joe says.

____

Nicky shushes him, “You still have tomorrow, vita mia, we can worry about it then.”

____

Joe pulls back and frowns at him, “I thought you didn’t like it when Andy and I fought.”

____

“I don’t,” Nicky says, “but it has been bothering both of you all day, and I can tell it distracted you from your day with Nile. So, for the rest of the evening, you are going to think about nothing but me.”

____

“Oh,” Joe replies, teasingly raising an eyebrow, “I am, am I?”

____

“Yes,” Nicky says firmly. “You will. We will figure out how to reconcile you and Andy tomorrow.”

____

“Tomorrow,” Joe sighs out in agreement as he leans his head to again rest against Nicky’s. 

____

Nicky strokes the back of Joe’s hand with his thumb as they slow dance in one spot. On the radio, Billie Holiday keeps them spinning. 

____

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes:
> 
> [Tyre](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyre,_Lebanon#Crusader_period_\(1124%E2%80%931291\)) was part of the Silk Road, so it's plausible Joe would have mercantile contacts there. It misses being attacked during the First Crusade by paying tribute, but then in 1111, it was besieged. Nicky and Joe just miss this by the skin of their teeth.
> 
> The dish nicky makes is [za'atar manakish (man'ousheh is singular according to wiki)](https://www.tastymediterraneo.com/zaatar-manouche-flat-bread-with-herbs/). Farinata di cici as it's known didn't technically come around until the 1200s so it's anachronistic, but I thought it would be a good idea for Nicky to have a food from his own culture to compare to Joe's.
> 
> [Sabir](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mediterranean_Lingua_Franca) was the original lingua franca used largely for trade purposes and would have been likely something both Nicky and Joe spoke.
> 
> The gang is in Lvov because that's where the Red Army was in August 1944 as part of the Eastern Front to reclaim land from the Germans. The Red Army allowed women to fight and was the most diverse army in WWII, so Andy and Joe wouldn't have been out of place.
> 
> [One thing](https://www.medievalists.net/2014/01/we-dont-need-no-education/) those learning to become priests in the Middle Ages studied was rhetoric (and logic). I took that and Nicky's line about destiny and decided he was philosophical, if only in the armchair sense!
> 
> Nicky reads to everyone from [Book 11](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1727/1727-h/1727-h.htm#chap11) of the Odyssey. I used the Project Gutenberg version merely for convenience. 
> 
> The song Nicky sings the saxophone part to is [Thunder Road](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2X0Gf9jfz8) by Bruce Springsteen because it's my fic and I get to pick the music. 
> 
> Joe and Nicky slow dance to Lady Day's [I'll Be Seeing You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDlKb2cBAqU) for similar reasons.


End file.
